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bombing:

[tries to crowd surf at a TED talk]

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all american family dinner

  • mom:hello son you need to put out the fancy dinner plates. i ordered some Chinese food and we will serve it on the plates so we can pretend i cooked
  • son:of course mom, can u pass me the apple juice
  • mom:of course son. be careful it is very spicy
  • son:*sips juice* OH SUGAR U WERE RIGHT MOM THIS APPLE JUICE IS MUCH TOO SPICY
  • dad:ha ha ha. wash it down with hot dogs, and all american tradition.
  • son:thanks dad. hey, wanna play baseball with me after dinner?
  • dad:we can't tonight, son. tonight is the night we are having our annual family photograph taken
  • mom:i picked out matching sweaters for all of us including the dog.
  • son:we will look great! we should use the photograph as a christmas card! merry christmas from the bakers!
  • dad:great idea, son. don't forget about our fishing trip this weekend
  • son:golly dad, how could i forget that important american family tradition
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  • 1 week ago
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tsunamiwavesurfing:

i seen someone on here say “daddy spank me like an almost empty ketchup bottle” and since then i just been usin a knife to get the sauce out the bottle

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roboboners:

miserability:

what the fuck

if i ever neglect to reblog this assume i’m dead

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